


I Keep My Jealousy Close (‘Cause It’s All Mine)

by ativanpire



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Jealousy, M/M, Pseudo-Incest, no beta we die like ben
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-11-02 04:31:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20622602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ativanpire/pseuds/ativanpire
Summary: He craves sensation, yearns for it the way Klaus chases oblivion.





	I Keep My Jealousy Close (‘Cause It’s All Mine)

He craves sensation, yearns for it the way Klaus chases oblivion. He hungers for touch, to be seen, to be heard, to be known. He envies Klaus in a way that makes guilt bubble up in his gut, thick and black like tar. Klaus never lacks for hands on his body, a high running through his veins, the longing gaze of strangers and lovers alike.  
He had hardly interacted with anyone besides his siblings in life, but being dead was a whole new circle of isolation. He only had Klaus to talk to. He didn’t have any experiences to call his own to talk about. Instead he watches Klaus consume and discard conversations and casual touches, oblivious to how Ben is starving.  
He craves intimacy on a molecular level. Whatever ghosts are made of, it must be longing because Ben is never sated. He thinks a brush of a hand on him would burn him at this point; even the thought of it is intense and tantalizing. Almost illicit. He does the only thing he can do; he watches. Silently, he floats in the background and takes in every touch Klaus receives and pretends he can feel it too. He doesn’t know when he started pretending he was the one touching Klaus-- just that it brings back the sticky, syrupy feeling of guilt in his gut, reminiscent of The Horror but more...pleasurable. He’s surprised he can even feel an approximation of pleasure but it’s there. Hidden, hot, secretive, and curling in his abdomen somewhere below the Eldritch monsters that call him home.  
Klaus is high and it’s starting to make Ben feel wavy around the edges. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t feel so guilty watching him bent in half getting fucked in some shitty apartment belonging to some shitty dude who will offer Klaus a place to stay the night and maybe some subpar weed. It should be degrading but Klaus wears degrading like a badge of honor. Look at how little I care about myself. You think you can care about me any less? It’s a dangerous game of chicken that Klaus wins every time. No matter how bruised or fucked up it leaves him.  
His eyeliner is smoked out and his pupils are huge and Ben suddenly want to see him cry the way he know Klaus does when he’s feeling really good and about to come. Apparently, the lay du jour isn’t doing it for him, or maybe Klaus is just too out of it to feel much, because his eyes are dry and unfocused. That is, until they meet Ben’s. Then they’re staring at him with an intensity that makes Ben’s skin prickle and for a moment Ben swears he feels himself get goosebumps. Klaus grins at him, feral and almost challenging, and cants his hips up to meet the next thrust into him. He tosses his head back and lets out a theatrical moan. Ben gets the familiar feeling he’s being teased except this is so much worse than Klaus teasing him when they were kids. He doesn’t know whether he wants to punch Klaus or kiss him or jerk off on him. He kind of wants to do all of those things at once even though he knows they’re impossible. Instead he settles for retreating into his hood and shoving his clenched fists into his pockets.  
When he looks up again, Klaus is lying flat, come still drying tacky on his stomach, and blowing Ben a kiss. He hates him. He loves him. He wants to be him and he wants to fuck him all at once. He wants to feel. He settles for a look he hopes is more disappointed than bitter. Klaus looks filthy. He looks sated. But Ben is still burning.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not terribly happy with how this ended and I do have a sequel planned out based on the hungry ghost mythos/ghost month (yay your dad scaring you with Laotian ghost stories as a kid?). I just sort of threw this together today based on my own personal mantra of "I crave intimacy on a molecular level." I promise not all my writing will be introspective navel gazing on my own isolation and loneliness! I've just been listening to full Fall Out Boy albums during my commute lately so I'll probably keep churning out fic with FoB lyric titles. Once again, my username on tumblr is the same as here if you want to chat.


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